Ringtones and the Frozen Eggs

That's the best thing about writing, when you're in that zone,
you're porous, ready to absorb the solution.
~~Michael Chabon

Oh media, source of foolish pandering, why do we listen to
your words about the Dow and today's price at the pump and
sleep through the mention of more dead soldiers? Industry
data says there are 1.3 trillion barrels of oil left in the planet or
42 more years of current consumption levels. Pray that we're not discarding lives just to fuel our hemis. So I recall the day in my first month with the company where I got caught short on the bus ride to the office. Miraculously, I held on through the commute and the elevator ride and the dash to the stall where I undid my belt and yanked my trousers down just in the nick o'tine. As I smiled with relef, I noticed that my zipper didn't open but rather tore itself from its stitches, leaving quite an opening in front that I had no way of closing. I stood by the door until the elevator dinged and my friend Kathy walked by as I pleaded for her to stop. She finally understood I wasn't trying to flash her and got me a stapler which secured my flies but pinstriped my package like a chrome hood ornament. Lesson learned: deliberate is better than frantic when it comes to pooping.

What is the difference between a joist and a girder? Joist
wrote "Ulysses" and girder wrote "Faust".